OVERLAND PARK, Kan. — An Overland Park teenager who loves music. A Johnson County mother of two who worked in education for more than two decades.
On the surface, the two might not appear to have many similarities. But they share one painful experience in common: Both have had thoughts of suicide.
Today, the two survivors are working to promote mental health awareness in the Kansas City metro and reaching out to others who may be having suicidal thoughts.
Their stories may be difficult for some to read. If you have thoughts of suicide, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
'It was excruciating'
Jen Levinson felt like she never fit in at school in the 1980s.
“As a child, I struggled in school. I didn't learn how to read until I was in the third grade,” she says. “I struggled with relationships.”
As a teenager, Levinson says she was excluded at school. That's when anxiety began to creep in, she says.
"I just knew that I was struggling and how unhappy I was," Levinson says.
That unhappiness led to her first thoughts of suicide.
"It wasn't so much that I wanted to die, I just wanted the pain to end,” Levinson says. “It was excruciating.”
A lonely battle
Will Gurley, 17, finds it a need to be perfect.
"I push myself academically, vocally and musically,” Gurley says. “Sometimes, I push myself more than I probably should.”
He says the pressures from school and social media became too much for him.
"It was very rough. I honestly don't know how to put it into words,” he says. “It’s like trying to fight a whole war, but you don't have an army.”
The teen says he didn't want to continue the lonely battle.
"I was kind of at the furthest point I had ever been. Just feeling helpless and useless," he says.
May 1, 1983
Levinson decided the only way to fix the pain was to end the pain. She still remembers the day she first attempted suicide.
"I was 15,” she says. “May 1st, 1983.”
She attempted suicide twice as a teenager. Each time, she took her failure as a sign.
"I need to make sure this doesn't happen to anyone else," Levinson says.
Call for help
Gurley was moments away from his own suicide attempt when he decided to make a last-minute call for help.
"The way that I reached out is something that I don't think anyone would do. I emailed my school counselors in eighth grade," Gurley says. "I said, ‘hey, I don't think I am OK, wanna talk?’ They were like, ‘umm ... yeah. Let's talk.’ They called my parents. That was really scary, but I’m so glad I reached out."
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. Every year in America, nearly 1.4 million people attempt suicide — an average of 129 people per day, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Females are three times more likely to attempt suicide than males, according to save.org.
Children's Mercy Hospital in Kansas City sees hundreds of teens each year who have attempted suicide.
"There is a lot of impulsivity,” says Dr. Sara Gould, a child psychologist at Children's Mercy. “It was a moment of a decision in response to a situation that was passing.”
For a parent whose child has attempted suicide, doctors say it's important to seek help and not be afraid to talk about it.
"One, just someone who knows the questions to ask and can start the conversation,” Gould says. “Two, (who) can model for the parents how to continue the conversation and avoid the answer we might get.”
Finding hope
Both Levinson and Gurley have found new reasons to live.
The Overland Park teen plays music as a way to cope with his anxiety. He’s joined area theater groups.
Drawing on his own experiences, he has also started a festival that brings music and mental health together. The You Matter Festival brings in bands from around the Kansas City metro to play in front of teenagers. Many of the songs center on the band members’ own struggles and how to start those tough conversations.
Levinson, a Johnson County resident, speaks to teens daily for Speak Up, a metro nonprofit that aims to break the silence on suicide and raise money for teen suicide prevention programs across state lines.
"I was an educator for 25 years. Now, I'm educating in a different manner,” she says. “I have had both of my dream jobs. This is my second dream job.”
Gurley has this powerful message for other struggling teens.
"The impact of your life on those around you is bigger than you could ever imagine,” he says. “Just knowing you are not alone and that you can talk to people about it and get help is really important.”
Levinson has a similar message for others who feel that the pain has become too much.
"There is nothing that we cannot get through,” she says. “We can work everything out. The one thing we cannot work out is the choice to take your life.”
If you have thoughts of suicide, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Johnson County Mental Health Hotline at 913-268-0156. Here are additional mental health and suicide prevention resources in the metro area:
Johnson County Mental Health Center
Kansas City Suicide Awareness and Prevention Program
Suicide Awareness Survivor Support
Tri-County Mental Health Services
