KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Model Chrissy Teigen and her husband, singer John Legend, took to social media overnight to share the heartbreaking news that they'd suffered a miscarriage.
It's a story many can relate to, with one out of every four pregnant women experiencing a miscarriage.
As a psychologist at Truman Medical Center points out, it's a personal, painful loss that can leave people feeling utterly alone.
"It's a very emotional experience for a family to go through. And one of the things that adds to that level of complexity of that emotion is that it's often not recognized," Dr. Tiffany Ruffin said. "
So many times we don't talk about these losses, they happen as one point, and then people stop talking about it, people stop asking about how they're doing. And it's often referred to as the invisible loss, which makes that grieving process even more complicated for people dealing with this, because they feel it's not being acknowledged by others," she said.
The psychologist says if this does happen to you, or has happened to you, it's important to remember you're not alone.
"And the big message is, there's no right or wrong way to grieve. And I think giving people permission, sometimes we have to give ourselves that permission, it's okay to grieve in the way I need to grieve. And I'm going to give myself permission to grieve right now, not on someone else's timeline, but on my own," Ruffin said.
Meanwhile, if this happens to a friend, family member, or colleague, you're better off saying something, even if you're not sure exactly what to say.
"So, instead of not saying anything, I encourage people to say, I don't really know what to say right now, right? It's being honest and genuine. 'I don't know what to say, but I want you to know I'm thinking of you. If you need anything, I'm here,'" Ruffin said.
However, there are some things not to say, so as not to diminish the grief someone else is experiencing.
"Sometimes, people say things in a well-meaning way that can often make it feel worse and feel invalid, make their grief feel invalid," Ruffin said. "Some examples are, 'Well at least you're young,' 'At least you have two other kids,' 'at least...' Any of those 'at leasts' is usually something for families that are going through this isn't reasurring, especially at the time that they're grieving."
If you or someone you know has experienced this type of loss, there are some resources that can help.
Nationalshare.org is the website for a national organization offering pregnancy and infant loss support.
Postpartum.net also has support groups specifically for parents who've experienced the loss of a child.
Experts say you can also reach out to your doctor to see what groups might be meeting in your area, although they could be meeting virtually due to covid-19 right now.
