KANSAS CITY, Mo. — After experiencing pain most parents can't imagine, three moms in Johnson County have formed a unique friendship.
Suicide rates among U.S. teens have been on a steady rise for the last several years, and the climb is only getting steeper.
Jan Marrs, Sylvia Harrell and BJ Thomas found each other after each lost a child to suicide. Now, they have formed a support system for each other and are working to make sure other mothers don't have to experience what they went through.
Before you learn about how they came together, you need to hear their stories, starting with Jan Marrs.
Lane Marrs, 18
Jan Marrs and her husband allowed their daughter Lane to attend the University of Arkansas after she graduated.
In 2016, the Marrs went to visit for Parents Weekend. On their way down, Lane's boyfriend called and said she wasn't acting like herself and disappeared.
They called police.
"They talked to us. They had us go to a hotel room and just wait to hear from them. While we are there, unfortunately our 17-year-old got a social media response from her social media post from someone saying, 'They found your sister. She's down the street, in her car and I don't think she is living anymore," Marrs said.
Chad Harrell, 17
17-year-old Chad Harrell was on the rebound after counseling for cutting himself. One night, he got into trouble and his parents grounded him.
After his mom kissed him goodnight, she didn't feel right about it and checked on him two hours later.
"I went into his room and he had taken his own life in those two hours," Sylvia Harrell, Chad's mom, said.
Regan Johnson, 16
Regan Johnson was a bright student at Paola High.
There were no signs of problems until one week she became stressed about schoolwork. She went home sick one day and her mom, BJ Thomas, stopped getting texts from her daughter.
The worried mom got the call when she walked into a movie theater.
"'Oh well, I really didn't want to tell you this over the phone.' 'Tell me what? Whereʼs Regan? Iʼve been trying to get ahold of her.' 'Reganʼs dead,'" Thomas said.
Three teenagers gone
The first 24 hours for their families: unbearable.
"I just remember screaming in the hotel, screaming in pain," Marrs said.
These moms all asked themselves the same question that day and even weeks, months and now years later: why?
"It haunts you as a parent. It just haunts you. I scream at home, 'Why? Just why?'" Harrell said.
In Kansas, Missouri and across the U.S., teen suicide is on the rise. It is the second leading cause of death for people ages 15-24.
According to The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Kansas ranks 15th in the country. Missouri ranks 13th.
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention said in a majority of suicide attempts, there were clear signs.
"I think earlier, looking back, I think Iʼm just appalled at the lack of knowledge I had anything tied to mental illness," Marrs said.
Her daughter had post-traumatic stress disorder after an alleged sexual assault that was not reported. But the signs aren't always clear.
"And I have spent the last 12 months trying to relive every conversation, every text, every single thing we did and I just canʼt find signs," Thomas said.
Marrs stresses the importance of talking with your kids.
"Because otherwise, if the impulsivity takes over and they kill themselves, you missed that opportunity to have that conversation to say, 'Okay, at some point in your life, you are going to have a really rough spot and who are you going to reach out to?'" Marrs said.
Counseling can also help.
"One of the most important therapies when you have a mental illness is to talk about it and to get it out. Therapy is a really good tool to use in their recovery process," said mental wellness advocate Anne Konz.
Out of pain comes friendship
"I think you are looking at part of what has saved me and got me through," Marrs said.
But this is just the start. The three women are part of a chat group with 20 other moms who have been impacted by teen suicide.
"Losing your child to suicide makes you question everything about yourself. Everything you thought you knew about yourself, about your parenting, everything is on the table for examination," Thomas said.
An unspeakable loss only they understand.
"How many text messages do we have that say, ''You know, I couldn't say this to anyone else? No one else would understand,'" Thomas said.
These families have also either joined or started nonprofits all focused on ways to prevent teen suicide.
Marrs has joined "Speak Up."
BJ has founded "Shifting Gears."
And Harrell's organization is "Keep the Spark Alive."
Marrs and Harrell have teamed up to train and help students and teachers in the Blue Valley School District with a program called "Sources of Strength."
"We like the program because it's designed to create a very broad support structure for teens. It educates teachers, it educates counselors and it educates a lot of the kids on what it takes to truly support one another and when to call on the professional help that you need," Marrs said.
Still, their pain will never go away.
Thomas said everything reminds her of her daughter; Harrell is always thinking of her son.
"You celebrate the success and then say, 'Why did I have to sacrifice my child to get here?'" Marrs said.
Sylvia Harrell has this stinging message for her son.
"I miss you so much. I've missed you so much. If you would of just taken the three steps out of your room, your sister was awake. If you would of just asked for help. If you would of given us the chance to help you, you would be moving on great, happy, fulfilled life. If you just give us the chance to help, give somebody the chance," Harrell said.
If you or you know someone who is thinking of harming themselves, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
