Caitlin's Note: It's been one year since triumph turned to terror, then tragedy, for so many in our community. Many of us here at KSHB 41 were there that day, covering the parade and rally. Some of us, myself included, were only 50 yards away from the shooting. Because we were on the air at the time, we didn't know what was happening at first, only that something was very, very wrong. After the confusion and initial fears that there was an active shooter at large, we eventually had to get back to work, reporting on the chaos and terror we experienced, firsthand. But, as the hours and days continued, the events that day impacted many of us. On the news, after a traumatic event, we always encourage people to seek mental health help if they need it. Now, for the first time, some of us are sharing what we felt that day and voicing our fears and emotions to a local trauma therapist, in the hopes of helping others who might also be struggling.
Below is the entire transcript of my interview with Liz Davis, M.S., LMFT, LCMFT, of the Liz Davis Therapy Group.Due to time constraints, an abbreviated version aired on KSHB 41. However, we are sharing the full transcript to offer even more context and advice from a trained professional.
Caitlin:
"You know, normally as journalists, we try to keep ourselves out of the stories. But, so many of us were there the day of that rally shooting, and that day impacted many of us. So, we are sharing our stories in the hopes that sharing our trauma and what helped us to get through might help other people out there.
Liz, we know you specialize in trauma counseling, so that’s why some of my coworkers and I wanted to share what happened to us, with you, to get your perspective, again, hopefully to help others.
First, I wanted to pass along something my colleague Elyse Schoenig shared with me.
She said, as someone who was there when the shooting broke out, 'Last year what bothered me most was racing thoughts, I felt like I couldn’t stop from coming. I couldn’t stop replaying the specific details of that day, the sounds of the gunshots, the memory of dropping to the ground. Probably the worst one was trying to call my mom and tell her what had happened as I was running away, and the call dropping partway through the conversation. I also couldn’t stop imagining the worst-case scenarios, the 'What if's' in this situation, 'What if people were hurt, what if I was hurt?'
So, Liz, my question for you would be, what would you have said to her back then, specifically about those racing thoughts?"
Liz:
"I would’ve said that, objectively, this was an unexpected horrific traumatic event, not just for the people in attendance, but for our entire Kansas City, Metro community. And, trauma is so much more subjective than people realize. Different people can cope with the exact same situation and it may look different depending on their personality, the way their brain operates.
So, having different thoughts, different feelings is totally normal. Racing thoughts, repeating the event in your head, having flashbacks, having a variety of different emotions that can range the spectrum of emotions, all of it is normal. And these are natural responses to trauma. I would say that these are natural reactions to trauma, and these are very common symptoms to experience after a traumatic event. The number one thing I would recommend is that if you are experiencing difficult emotions, racing thoughts, replaying the event, flashbacks, things like that, one tip that can be helpful is to realize that, it’s a saying we say in therapy, 'What we resist persists.' So, the more we try not to ruminate, the more we push our emotions down, the more we criticize ourselves for, 'Oh, it’s coming up in my head again, I shouldn’t be thinking that,' that’s resisting, and it actually makes those thoughts and feeling stronger. And that’s what I mean by persists.
So, the alternative is when we are experiencing symptoms after a traumatic event, the number one thing we can do is to get help right away, as soon as we can. And that help, by that I mean, finding a safe person whether that’s a therapist, a licensed therapist, a friend, a family member, a support group, someone else who experienced the same thing, and talk about what happened, tell the story. Tell the story the way you experienced it. It may be different for everyone, but getting it out is allowing it to process. Feeling it, thinking it, all of that emotional response is in the right side of our brain, the emotional side of our brain. When we tell the story and share and put language to what we are feeling and what’s going on in our head, that accesses the left side of the brain, which is our language and reasoning (side) and helps us process. So, you know, the brain processes different memories in different ways, right to left.
It goes back-and-forth. So, telling the story as many times as we need to, using our language with a safe person is really one of the number one ways to help with rumination, racing thoughts, flashbacks, difficult emotions. So, basically telling the story is one of the main ways to get support the quickest."
Caitlin:
"I know Elyse and I both talked to a therapist afterward and we both felt that just sharing that with someone did help us to process what we were feeling. Another friend and coworker, Daniela Leon, also was there with us that day.
She said, 'I look back at my reporting that day, and I am ashamed of my work. Reporters are supposed to be calm and do their best at maintaining peace to best serve our viewers. However, I was visibly shaken up. I look back and see that maybe I should’ve walked away because I feel like my emotional response added to the panic and trauma seen that day.'
So, Liz, she wanted to know how could she have handled those feelings back then, and could she be at risk for PTSD, even a year later?"
Liz:
"What I would honestly say to her is that, you know, most of us are just doing the best we can. We want to do our due diligence in whatever profession we have, and we want to do it competently. But, in an unexpected, horribly traumatic event, when it occurs, at the end of the day, we are not just professionals, we are human beings. We are going to have a natural human reaction, and that reaction, again, is subjective for everyone. It could be a fight response running toward it. It could be a flight response running away. It could be a freeze response. It could be so many different things, even feeling frozen and feeling nothing at all, feeling numb and in shock.
Giving ourselves the grace, whether we were there as a professional, there as a participant, a bystander, or you know, witnessing it on television, allowing ourselves to be human and have whatever reaction we naturally feel is so important. And I call that giving ourselves grace, giving ourselves permission to just have natural human responses which, again, are going to be different for everyone.
And then, so far as the second part of your question, whether she is at risk for developing PTSD symptoms? I would say, the research shows that if we seek help shortly after a traumatic event, if we seek professional help, or you know, as I said, talking to a safe person and processing it out loud, telling our story and getting support and getting guidance, it significantly lowers our risk for PTSD. Now, if we internalize the event, if we just keep it all in our heads, you know basically the opposite of giving ourselves grace to try to pretend it didn’t happen or try to be okay when we’re truly not, that is when we can kind of end up trapped in our heads, having flashbacks, having a variety of mental health symptoms and some very challenging emotions, because we are not facing it head on and talking about it in a safe way shortly after it happened. And that’s more likely when PTSD is likely to develop."
Caitlin:
"I will definitely pass both of those on to her. Something else Daniela actually shared with me mirrors another response I received from a different coworker who was there that day, but asked to remain anonymous in this context. That colleague, like Daniela, said, 'I am anxious in large crowds now. I've noticed myself overthinking the worst and always having a plan to get out and get away. I’m not sure how to stop that.'
So, how can both of them really cope with those feelings, now?"
Liz:
"Honestly, the number one thing I want to be able to tell them is how not alone they are. The number of mass shootings occurring in the United States has gone up so much in the last five years, that fear is part of our collective consciousness at this point. And last year was just an example of the most recent example of what’s been going on for years. I recommend that, again, we allow ourselves to be human and acknowledge that fear and (realize) that it’s completely valid, based on the data, based on the number of shootings that have been occurring lately.
However, what I also recommend is we not let fear take over our lives. I would say we not let fear completely take over our lives. It’s good to acknowledge that the fear exists and talk about it. However, what we don’t want is these traumas done by mentally unwell individuals or individuals who are seeking to do harm to make our world smaller. And what I mean by that is, you know, 'Oh, normally I would do X,Y, and Z out in public, but now I’m afraid and now I find myself almost never leaving my house.' That is allowing our fear to make our world smaller. The more we make our world smaller, the more we tend to isolate. The only way we can heal from community trauma is in community, whether that's seeking out therapy, group therapy, a support group, finding solidarity within our community, within our family, or within our friend groups. As a therapist even myself, I take pause before I make a choice whether to go to a concert or an event. It crosses my mind as well, 'Will it be safe?' And I think that’s something that we are all accustomed to thinking these days. And I think that’s okay to have that thought and to be mindful and intentional about what we choose to do and in what environment, and doing what’s best for you.
You know, if a large concert gathering no longer feels safe at this time, that’s okay. But just make sure to not isolate. If a small dinner party with friends feels safer in a familiar environment, you are still getting community. You’re not isolating, you’re still able to connect and share. Human beings are wired for connection and if we isolate out of fear, we are less likely to heal. So again, it’s subjective what safety feels like for everyone, and it’s normal to feel less safe in large crowds. I just recommend being mindful, that they don’t allow their world to shrink too much, and especially not shrink to a place of isolation."
Caitlin:
"Yeah, it makes sense, acknowledge it, but don’t isolate. So, make the decision you feel comfortable with, but still seek out that connection of other human beings. I wanted to share on a personal note, we were broadcasting live that day. We were 50 yards away from where that shooting happened. And for me, personally, it was the confusion and thinking that it was an active shooter situation.
So, we have video of that day of people running into Union Station and then running back out, and we all dropped to the ground at the time, thinking that there was an active shooter and we were in harm's way. Initially, I went (back) to work and I had to do my job that day. But the next day I just fell apart and I had classic symptoms of situational depression. I didn’t want to go to work. I had a hard time talking to my kids and my husband. I was just crying easily. I eventually reached out to a therapist and talked to her, and that helped me immensely But, I was trying to deal with these feelings and then I also felt ashamed that I felt that way, because I was okay, my colleagues were okay. And so, for me, it was trying to balance those conflicting emotions."
Liz:
"I know I’m repeating myself, but I just want to normalize that having difficult emotions after a difficult event is natural. In your instance, you dropped to the ground, correct?"
Caitlin:
"Yes."
Liz:
"Your body just instinctively dropped to the ground. Probably just froze. That was your natural instinct in that moment and that is okay. Again, everyone is different in how we respond, everyone is different. Some of us might drop down, some might run away, so everyone is different. You were acting from an instinctive place and probably in a lot of shock. It is not uncommon for the days following to have some delayed trauma responses, symptoms of experiencing a traumatic event that occur after the event has occurred. So, in the days or weeks following, it’s not uncommon to experience symptoms that might feel like depression to feel withdrawn to feel anxious, to maybe even experience the way you move through the world differently.
It can manifest in so many different ways, but it is completely natural and normal to have a delayed trauma response. After the fact, and I would just say yet again, d give yourself grace. Shame lives in the shadows. Shame is how we feel when we don’t tell our story, when we’re in darkness. And I know I’m getting some of this from René Brown. However, I think part of why therapy might’ve helped is that you chose a safe person and told your story. You chose to find a safe environment to share your memories, your thoughts, your feelings, your perspective or unique perspective of how you experienced it. Getting it out, processing it and allowing a safe person to hold you in that and affirm you and affirm and validate your feelings and your delayed trauma responses, that’s what helps minimize and eventually erase that shame."
Caitlin:
"Thank you, and thank you for reiterating that it’s okay to not feel okay in these situations. I do appreciate that."
Liz:
"Of course, of course."
Caitlin:
"Liz, we appreciate you coming in. And to those of you at home watching, if you experienced anything that day, whether you were there or you were watching it on TV, we hope that by sharing our stories and getting some perspective from Liz, it encourages you to get help if you still need it."
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