KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Hospital staff at Truman Medical Centers/University Health paused for a moment of silence at 7 p.m. on Friday to recognize the efforts of doctors, nurses and caretakers during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Some lit a candle. Others turned on a flashlight or shared an image of a candle on Facebook, a symbolic gesture coincides with the one-year anniversary of Kansas City, Missouri, Mayor Quinton Lucas declaring a state of emergency.
Rev. Roxanne Pendleton, with the Center for Trauma Informed Innovation at Truman Medical Centers said the anniversary of any traumatic event can trigger episodes of grief.
"COVID can be considered a worldwide trauma," Pendleton said. "The definition of a trauma is we experience something that is threatening or perceived to be threatening to us."
For those on the health care industry's frontline, there's even a form of secondary trauma, which can be experienced fighting to save critically ill patients.
"My department has done a lot of work helping people understand, 'How do you navigate trauma? How do you heal it?,'" Pendleton said. "You can’t really protect yourself from secondary trauma. It’s a normal stress response when you see or hear about something traumatic. But how do you release that secondary trauma?"
That's where the Center for Trauma Informed Innovation plays a role as an educational and training group, working with educators, law enforcement and businesses to bring awareness to trauma-informed care.
The lessons are applicable to anyone experiencing grief related to the COVID-19 pandemic, whether it's grieving the loss of a loved one or simply grieving the loss of a sense of normalcy.
Pendleton said it's important to practice self-care and deal with your grief, because stressful emotions can manifest in physical symptoms — including headaches, body aches, fatigue, upset stomach, worsening of chronic conditions, shakiness, insomnia and more.
Even when you're not consciously aware that an anniversary of a painful event is bothering you, symptoms can pop up, according to Pendleton.
"Our bodies remember what happened to us, whether or not our minds are consciously aware ...," she said. "We might find ourselves more irritable, more emotional, more exhausted, having a brain fog — and there’s a lot of angry driving. A lot of people report angry driving, and that’s because our body is reminding us and remembering."
Her advice if you're experiencing any of these? Be kind, patient and gentle with yourself.
Pendleton also shared other tips for grieving well:
- Acknowledge that grief is a normal response to loss. We grieve both large and small losses, and we grieve things both intangible and tangible
- Give yourself permission to grieve in your own unique way. There is no “right” way to respond to loss, so try to avoid ideas about what you “should” be feeling or doing and simply accept your experience as it is.
- Express what you’ve lost, in writing or verbally, with a trusted person. It’s important to talk about your grief and allow time for silence.
- Allow for a multitude of feelings — sadness, guilt, fear, anger, disorientation, relief, hopelessness, irritability, inability to focus, numbness and more. This is normal.
- Practice self-compassion and remember that emotions ebb and flow. If you can keep breathing through 90 seconds of intense emotion, you likely will notice the emotion has crested and begun to subside.
- To avoid the physical affects of grief, slow down, eat nutritious meals, rest, and set limits with your time and energy.
- Spend your time doing things and with people that you find nurturing, like taking a walk.
- Be conscious and intentional about grieving, because failure to attend to our grief eventually will take a toll physically, mentally, emotionally and on relationships.
- Set aside time and space to grieve with a recurring ritual. Draw on your spiritual practices, art, music, or other sources of comfort and joy, including treasured memories and time with loved ones.
- Avoid clichés and judgment. Seek instead to find meaning or purpose. Humans can survive almost anything if they can find meaning and purpose in their suffering.
- Move towards, not away from, your grief, understanding that it is a process rather than an event. Life will not be the same and you will not be the same. But in time and with intention, you will complete the work of grief and regain a sense of equilibrium.
If you need help, the Truman Medical Centers/University Health Crisis Line is one resource available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at 888-279-8188.